Leadership Guru # 15

I was thrilled this morning to open an email from the Athena Group and find I had been named the #15 most influential leadership guru in the world! http://tiny.cc/bu9uz I see great friends of mine like Marshall Goldsmith, Tom Peters, and John Baldoni also on the list. These wonderful guys routinely get awards, but this one means a lot to me. And I take it as a sign that the divide between “leadership expert” and “women’s leadership expert” that I’ve been trying to bridge for 22 years may finally be eroding!

Filed under: Gender Communications, leadership, John Baldoni, Marshall Goldsmith, Tom Peters

Peggy and Don, Part 1

Last week’s episode of Mad Men—episode 7, “The Suitcase”–– was the most brilliant of all, in my view, because of how it depicts the evolving relationship between Peggy and Don. As the hour unfolds, we get to watch Peggy come into her own power as a professional woman. We can actually see her improvising that role before our eyes.
Until this episode, Peggy has been the talented young creative willing to work like a dog in order to move up the ladder, sucking up endless humiliations and insults because the men around her have no clue how to deal with her as a colleague and because she has female cohorts to provide support. Yes, she’s able comes up with some innovative solutions to her situation, such as suggesting that she and a fellow copywriter who is harassing her work naked, which of course throws him off guard. But for the most part she responds to what happens to her rather than taking initiative on behalf of herself. She has absolutely no model; she is making it up as she goes along, and even she can’t be sure where it’s all heading.
But in The Suitcase, we get to watch her sense of herself develop over the course of one extraordinary and difficult night. Peggy is able to see Don’s vulnerability and remain open to that, she but does not make the mistake of offering to be his mother. By maintaining her professional distance while still feeling compassion for the mess he’s making of his life, she turns herself into an ally and a strategic protégé.
The whole turn is masterful, and the fact that it happens on the night of the Liston-Clay fight emphasizes how pivotal the change in what she is experiencing will be. Just as whites were confronted with a triumphant yet defiant “great black hope” on that night, so also is Don Draper—the epitome of sexist entitlement, though always somehow redeemable—confronted in the hours following the fight with the knowledge that a woman has the potential and the right to be his creative equal. That’s why he takes her hand toward the close of the episode: it’s not a sexual overture (for once), but a way of acknowledging that they will be allies in the future.

Filed under: Gender Communications, mad men, Women in the Workplace

Are Women Good at Supporting Other Women?

This morning I got a tweet from Kathy Caprino, who is attending @85broads event. She noted that the topic for the day was that old warhorse “Why aren’t women better at supporting other women?

I would like to share with everyone what I wrote on this subject in 2005, because clearly it is still relevant.

Here follows:

Are Women Bad at Supporting Other Women?

Sally Helgesen

Chatham, NY, May 16, 2005.

I just returned from a trip to New Orleans, where I had a blast addressing 900 members of the Junior League, mostly officers and incoming or outgoing presidents.  It was a great group, and I am convinced of the truth of the League’s self-description–– that it is indeed a leadership training organization for women.

In addition to giving a keynote, I met with the board one afternoon for one of those pick-your-brain session at which I learn as much as the people I’m there to help.  One of the questions that most often kept coming up was one that I’m frequently asked in many contexts:  Why aren’t women better at supporting one another?

This led to a lively discussion that allowed me to articulate my views on this subject better than I have been able to in the past.  What I have to say goes against the grain for many, but I want to share it with you.

First, I think women are often terrific at supporting one another.  Not always, and not all women, but in general this seems to be one of our great strengths.  Much (though not all) of the real help I’ve had in my work has come from women, who tend to be very responsible about following through on their promises and generous in sharing their resources.  And almost all of the real help I’ve had in my personal life has come from women, who listen, ask questions, think seriously, and are openhearted with their wisdom.

Yes, I’ve been burned a few times, put my trust in a few women who did not earn it.  And I’ve certainly heard horror stories from women in the workplace who have been undermined or blindsided by other women.  But is it really only women who have undermined them or failed to give them support?  Or is it that they notice it more when women don’t come through?  Perhaps we expect women to support us in ways that we don’t expect men to do, and then feel betrayed when these hopes are disappointed.

I believe this is what happens in many cases.  And I’m starting to think that this whole women-don’t-support-other-women conversation is just another way for women to bash themselves.  I’ve seen men who are terrible at supporting other men, who stab supposed friends in the back and gossip cruelly about co-workers, but I have never gone to a conference or other gathering and listened to men agonizing about why men aren’t better at supporting other men!  The notion is almost ludicrous.

I don’t think this is because men are better at being supportive, but rather because it’s not an issue for them–– they don’t expect it, and so don’t focus their concern on other men they don’t find supportive.  They just think, “he’s a jerk,” and move on.  They certainly don’t use it as an occasion to question the goodness of men in general.

But then, men aren’t usually that interested in talking about what is wrong with men, whereas women often have a strong appetite for this kind of negative self evaluation.  As I often mention in my keynotes, there’s a big market for books on what is wrong with women–– women who love too much, love the wrong people at the wrong time–– whatever.  You can find a whole wall of such books in most bookstores because women provide a market for them.  By contrast, you won’t find even a shelf of books about what is wrong with men­­ because men have no interest in the topic.

I’ve spent most of my career trying to help women focus on what they have to contribute rather than how they need to change.  I think this is the answer to the conversation now taking place about women and support.  Women need to stop accepting the cliché that they are uniquely bad about supporting one another.  It might be more helpful if we instead recognized that the underlying problem may be expecting too much from other women, requiring them to be perfect human beings and then feeling disappointed when they don’t prove to be so.

What do you think?

Filed under: Gender Communications, Uncategorized, Women in the Workplace, Womens Leadership

Culture of Risk is Still at It!

I’m often asked whether having more women in positions of power in the big financial services companies implicated might have prevented the risky and grandiose wagers that led us to disaster. After all, a Cambridge University study famously linked high risk trading behavior to surges in testosterone. In addition, the trading units and hedge funds most implicated in the continuing meltdown are precisely those units where women are most underrepresented.
But I think this equation is too simplistic. Instead, the under-representation of women in senior positions in the companies most implicated was both a consequence and a symptom of a leadership culture that had grown wildly unbalanced.
I couldn’t help but think of this when I read the NY Times’ piece today on derivatives traders (last week!!) “relaxing” at an over the top strip club during a big conference in San Francisco.  How comfortable is a woman really going to feel in a culture where this sort of thing is routine? Most women flee such an environment, and the all-male culture left behind tends to tolerate the kind of behavior that exposed all of us to a world of woe.

Filed under: Employee Engagement and Retention, Gender Communications, Women in the Workplace

Women and the race for global talent

I got very excited this morning when I opened my Harvard Business Review “management tip of the day” about how companies could best compete in the global market. What was the number one thing organizations needed to do, according to HBR? Focus on women! http://tinyurl.com/yemek44

Okay, some of us have been saying this for about twenty years: women have an incredible capacity for loyalty if they love their work. They also, as my co-author Julie Johnson and I demonstrate in our forthcoming book, The Female Vision: Women’s Real Power at Work, bring concrete and identifiable strategic value.

So what does it take to attract, retain and inspire women’s best talents? The HBR tip advises “developing programs that help women see their career paths and better identify, request, and secure fulfilling work assignments.”

What kind of assignments are most fulfilling? Julie and I found something important in our research—something we believe has big implications for efforts to leverage women’s best talents. Women tend to judge satisfaction—another word for fulfillment—based on the quality of their days as opposed to focusing on abstract measures of success (I earn more than anyone in my division) or on where a job might lead in the future.

Financial reward, ranking and strategic position are important to women, of course. But if the daily experience of work is wretched, women don’t perceive their work as satisfying.

Do you agree that this finding has the potential to transform how organizations perceive, define and calibrate reward?

Filed under: Employee Engagement and Retention, Gender Communications, Keynote, Employment, Women